The 59 most out-of-this-world lines in Donald Trump's Montana speech

Amid reports suggesting ...

Posted: Sep 7, 2018 7:10 PM
Updated: Sep 7, 2018 7:11 PM

Amid reports suggesting his own aides are actively working to undermine him, President Donald Trump jetted to Montana to rally support for Senate candidate Matt Rosendale and to air his grievances with a whole lot of people.

I went through the transcript of his speech. The 59 most noteworthy lines are below.

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1. "Hello, Montana. This is going to be a lot of fun."

Oh, I know it will be!

2. "But there is no place like a Trump rally, right? We have a good time. We have a good time."

Alright, alright, alright.

3. "And more Americans are working today than ever, ever, ever before."

[narrator voice] There are more Americans today than ever before.

4. "Our coal miners are back to work."

Sort of. But not, according to experts, due to any Trump administration policies.

5. "Sick. It's sick!"

The President of the United States on how Senate Democrats have approached the confirmation hearings for Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh.

6. "I'll tell you what, this man has fought in more ways than one for your state. He has fought for your state."

Trump is referring to Rep. Greg Gianforte who won a special election for Montana's House seat last year. In the course of that campaign, Gianforte assaulted a reporter. And if you think Trump isn't making reference to that episode -- and casting it as a credit to Gianforte -- you don't know Trump.

7. "We've started the wall. Everybody wants the wall."

According to a late June PRRI poll, 63% of people oppose building the wall along our southern border.

8. "You're going to lose your right to those guns. You're going to lose your Second Amendment. So be careful. Be careful. Be careful."

This is a very common Trump refrain -- both during the 2016 campaign and now as President. It plays into the long-held fear among conservatives that if a Democratic president is elected, there will be a mass collection of all legally owned firearms by the government. There's scant actual evidence that this sort of mass confiscation would be on the agenda of any Democratic president.

9. "Admiral Jackson was subjected to horrible lies and smears."

Trump still carries a torch for Ronny Jackson, his White House physician whose nomination to head the VA was derailed by a series of allegations about his personal conduct. Allegations included that Jackson had mishandled pain medications and had been drunk at times during presidential trips.

10. "I guess I'm a politician. Think of it. I didn't want to say that. One of the few times I've said it. Yeah, I'm a politician."

Trump: My name is Donald Trump. And I am a politician.

Crowd: Hello, Donald.

11. "I've only run once, and that was for president, and I won. How did that happen? Right?"

Right.

12. "He's actually the doctor that gave me my physical. And he said that I'm in great shape."

If you're wondering why Trump still rides so hard for Jackson, this is it. Jackson gave him a glowing health report -- a performance in front of the press that Trump watched and admired.

13. "The ones -- the really good ones by Justice, you know -- I call her Justice, but she's judge, but she's Justice to me -- Jeanine, we love her. Judge Jeanine. By Gregg Jarrett. How about Bongino? He's got a very successful book. How about Bongino?"

In Donald Trump's world books that are "good" are ones that praise him. Which all three of the books he mentioned -- all of which were written by Fox News personalities -- do.

14. "But Admiral Jackson, his reputation was attacked. And all of those horrible things that were said about him turned out to be lies and they turned out to be false."

He's still on Jackson! Also, while Jackson denied the allegations of misconduct there has been no evidence offered that the accusations were "lies" or "false."

15. "And one of them will most likely be a candidate to run against your favorite of all time President, me. Me."

Just the President of the United States telling a crowd that he is their favorite president ever. No big deal! Totally normal stuff!

16. "When I see the anger of what they say, to an intellect far greater than theirs, not even a contest."

Trump is referring to Senate Democrats and Kavanaugh here. And in so doing, offering up yet more evidence of how he believes intelligence -- or what he perceives to be intelligence is to his conception of people. Being bright, which Trump seems to define as having gone to an Ivy League school, is the highest compliment he can pay you. Having a "low IQ" -- as he has alleged California Rep. Maxine Waters (D) does -- is one of his biggest putdowns.

17. "Ronny Jackson is a great man. Ronny Jackson has led a great and beautiful life. And to have lies told about him, I would never repeat what they are."

So. Much. Ronny. Jackson.

18. "Do we love Sean Hannity, by the way? Right?"

Right.

19. "I stand up here giving speeches for an hour and a half, many times without notes. And then they say he's lost it. And yet we have 25,000 people showing up to speeches."

Follow the logic here: Trump is arguing that he can't possibly be losing it because lots of people show up to hear him speak. And because he can talk for a long time. Without notes. So, yeah.

20. "And I respectfully say, I beat the Bush dynasty. OK?"

[narrator voice] He doesn't really mean "respectfully."

21. "Now I have the privilege of going against crooked Hillary Clinton."

The 2016 election ended 668 days ago.

22. "It's, frankly, if we didn't know better, and maybe we're starting to find things out that we didn't know, it's hard and harder to win than popular vote."

This is Trump's now-familiar riff on his electoral college win. What does he mean that "we're starting to find things out that we didn't know"? Oh, I have no idea. And, very likely neither does he.

23. "I beat the Bush dynasty. Respectfully."

Yes, you just said that. Respectfully.

24. "I beat Hillary, who stole it from Bernie."

The evidence the President provides for the alleged theft of the Democratic presidential nomination? None, of course.

25. "Bernie should be angry. Why isn't he angry? Crazy Bernie. He is so crazy."

So, Bernie Sanders should be angry. But he is crazy? Man, what a rich text.

26. "He's sitting behind a microphone, 'I'm going to do this, I'm going to do this, blah, blah, blah,' the hair's flying, he's going crazy. He's going crazy."

Clarification: Trump is talking about Sanders, not himself, here.

27. "I think I'm pretty competent, right? Don't you think so?"

The best way to prove competency is to ask a crowd of total strangers if you are competent. It is known.

28. "I just came on stage, and I was told that Kim Jong Un said some terrific things about me."

Foreign leaders -- including the North Korean dictator -- are well aware that the best way to get Trump to treat you well is to praise him. And so, they praise him.

29. "He likes me, I like him. Who knows what's going to happen?"

Trump is just not that complicated. He likes people who like him, people who praise him, people who affirm his belief in himself as a great man of history.

30. "It's always nice when a president or a prime minister calls me sir. That means he has a certain respect."

And I rest my case.

31. "If I would've done what they said, or if I would have done what these consultants and these people that I watch on television, we used to do this stuff, they all failed. They failed miserably. "

"I don't get to watch much television. Primarily because of documents. I'm reading documents. A lot." -- Donald Trump, November 2017

32. "One of my best meetings ever was with Vladimir Putin."

Trump's performance at the summit in Helsinki with the Russian president was widely panned by Russia experts and Republican elected officials.

33. "And, you know, when I came off stage, they all said that was a great meeting."

[narrator voice] No one said that.

34. "I'm President. You're president. We're winning."

Wait. wait. I'm president? This is exciting news!

35. "How do you impeach somebody that's doing a great job that hasn't done anything wrong?"

Well, see, Mr. President, the "doing a great job" thing isn't really a criteria when considering impeachment.

36. "How do you do it? How do you do it? How do you do it?"

Look, man. if I knew I would have told you the first time you asked.

37. "But let's say a Democrat gets elected. And let's say we have a Republican House. We will impeach that Democrat, right?"

Just the President of the United States saying that his party should impeach a Democratic president (in the future) solely because they would be a Democrat.

38. "But if it does happen, it's your fault, because you didn't go out to vote. OK? You didn't go out to vote."

If Trump is impeached, it's his supporters' fault! Epic.

39. "Today's Democrat Party is held hostage by haters, absolute haters, left-wing haters, angry mobs, deep state radicals, and their fake news allies."

This feels like a bit of an oversimplification. Maybe even an exaggeration???

40. "I mean, you look at The Washington Post or The New York Times, I can never get a good story."

A reminder: The job of any media outlet covering the President isn't to produce good (or bad) stories. It's to report on what the President is doing and how it is playing out in the country.

41. "I mean, you look at this horrible thing that took place today, it's really -- is it subversion? Is it treason? It's a horrible thing."

Trump is referring to the anonymous op-ed written by a senior official in his administration and published by The New York Times. And, no, writing a piece critical of your boss (aka the President) is not treasonous.

42. "CNN will be out of business. They're almost out of business now, if you look at their ratings."

NOPE!

43. "They apologized for their bad coverage of me. They apologized to their subscribers, because after I won, everybody said, 'What the hell happened?'"

Trump says this all the time. It's not true. What he's referring to is this letter to subscribers sent by Arthur Sulzberger Jr. soon after the election. Read it. It's not an apology.

44. "On the way over here, I saw a liberal pundit. He was filled with anger. And he was attacking me and our great administration."

"I don't get to watch much television. Primarily because of documents. I'm reading documents. A lot." -- Donald Trump, November 2017

45. "He was -- nobody knows who the hell he is, or she, although they put he, but probably that's a little disguise. That means it's she."

Trump reportedly has a list of a dozen or so people he believes could have authored the op-ed. And, yes, he is intent on finding out who did it.

46. "People that don't exactly dig us and they don't exactly like me, they're fighting for us."

Words I never thought I would hear Donald Trump say, "Dig us."

47. "You can pull back a little bit, but we're so respected."

I have no idea what the first half of this sentence has to do with the second half.

48. "We will win. We will win. We always win. We always win."

"Winning!" -- Charlie Sheen

49. " Like you, you, me, we're smart, we're really smart."

Hey, great job everyone. [Pats self on back]

50. "We're growing. It's called growth."

The root word is "grow" -- from the Old English "growan."

51. "We're going to have no crime."

This feels like a tough promise to keep. Unless...

52. "So now you leave -- ah, have a beautiful farm, husband, a wife, and you love your kids. By the way, if you don't love your kids, don't leave it to them. Don't worry about it. Then this won't help too much."

No words.

53. "I mean, we're not just talking about going up to the Moon, going up to Mars. We're talking about, you need it. Now you need it."

Mars Awaits!

54. "You know, when Abraham Lincoln made the Gettysburg Address speech, the great speech, do you know he was ridiculed? He was ridiculed."

[narrator voice] He was not.

55. "Many of us know it by memory."

Serious question: Is Donald Trump suggesting he knows the Gettysburg Address from memory? Because, um...

56. "It was too flowery, four score and seven years ago, right? Too flowery. And he died."

Pretty good summation of the last days of Abraham Lincoln.

57. "Look at the size of that guy. Look. Look at this guy. Do I like him? Wow."

So, uh, well, he said this. No idea.

58. "They did not show that in the movie. See, what they're missing is that that movie would have been a much bigger success if they planted the flag like they were supposed to."

This is a reference to a new movie about the moon landing in which the planting of the flag by US astronauts is not included. The movie isn't out yet (it comes out October 12) so it's hard to see how Trump can predict it would have been a bigger success if the producers put the flag-planting scene in.

59. "Because we are America. And our hearts bleed red, white and blue."

Wait, blood is blue in your body and red when oxygen hits it. When is is white? How did I miss that in school?

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